Judgement Day

First thought is Arnold Schwarzenegger. I know. I did it too. Can't beat the governator as the Terminator. Alas, that is not what I wanted to talk about this week.

I have been having trouble focusing on things that matter this week. I've described what happens when I'm like this before to a few people and the best way I can describe it now is to say that I feel like there's a hurricane in my skull where my brain should be. So when I went casting around for a topic to write about, I came up short for a good while. Then the answer kinda hit me in the face like a piece of newspaper stuck on the windshield when you're driving in the rain. Judgement Day.

Before you get all weirded out, let me clarify. When I say Judgement Day, I am not referring to Terminator 2. Neither am I referring to that phrase in the biblical sense. Rather, I'm referring to that phrase in the context of the day we pass judgement on other people of being one sort or the other. We use several different phrases to describe what I mean, but I think the best one is "judging a book by its cover". Don't try to deny it. Everyone has done it at one point or another. It's simply the way we are conditioned.

I'm going to describe a few different people to you and then discuss this a little further:

Person 1: You've seen this person on a street corner downtown in the middle of the night. It's rare for you to see her during the day. She only ever talks to people at night. She wears tight, short, revealing clothing leaving little to the imagination. Most of her conversations are held with her bent at the waist talking through an open car window. Occasionally, she will get into a car and disappear for a while. If you stay long enough, you'll see her when she comes back, looking a little disheveled.

Person 2: This person you meet at school. He's wearing a letterman's jacket. The whole school knows his name. Every guy wants to be him because every girl wants to date him. He appears to talk his way through a lot of his schoolwork, guaranteeing him a good grade. He is always wearing the most trendy designer clothes and you never see him wear it more than once. Despite all of that, you rarely hear his voice. He can generally be found surrounded by other guys.

Person 3: This person you also meet at school. He is almost the exact opposite of Person 2. He wears clothes that sometimes look and smell like he found them in a dumpster. His hair is never combed and he struggles with talking to anyone. Anytime you see him, he's around other kids who look like him. They can generally be found in the back of the school smoking and vandalizing anything they can find. He stays in the shadows as though being in natural light would physically hurt him. He's gruff and coarse and you avoid talking to him at all costs because anytime you do, he says something that both embarasses and horrifies you. He's got tattoos to go with his attitude and you are definitely uncomfortable around him.

Person 4: This person you see at church. The first time you saw her, her smile was electric and drew everyone to her. She wears clothing that is modest but classy and flattering. Her hair is always perfect. She talks to everyone who comes up to her and never appears to mind interruptions. She plays the piano and sings beautifully. She participates in theater and is talented there as well. She is always surrounded by guys and basks in their attention. She is also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Ok. That's about all I can think of right now. Ready for the judgement?

Person 1: Meet Sarah. Yep. She's a hooker. What you don't know about her is that she didn't choose to be one. She's only 17 and was forced into working because her father is a drunk and her mother does drugs. She doesn't say anything to anyone, but is constantly praying for help. She doesn't want to do what she's been forced to do. She wants to finish school and go to college and live her life like any normal teenager.

Person 2: Meet Matthew. Matthew looks like every jock you've ever seen. You expect him to be the stereotype. Guess what. He's not. He's painfully shy. He plays football and basketball because he's good at it and it's expected of him. He doesn't ever date and can usually be found at home studying and helping his single mom with his siblings because she works. His dad divorced his mom when he was young and he stepped up to be the man of the house. He's smart and though it looks like he talks his way through his classes, what you really see him doing is asking his teachers for extra credit to raise his GPA. He wants to go to college and make his own way in the world and he knows the only way to do that is to work and work hard.

Person 3: Meet Spencer. Spencer is the male version of Sarah. His parents are dead beats and he is on his own...so to speak. He has to look out for himself and the life of a gang member seemed a natural fit. He's never held to any expectations and therefore never falls short. No one ever pushes him to do better or to try harder. He's been in trouble with the law and doesn't get along with much of anyone outside his bros. Ready for the eye opener about Spencer? He doesn't want to be where he is. Spencer, like Sarah and Matthew, wants a better life. He wants to get out of his parents house and start working a legitimate job. He wants to save money so that when graduation comes around, he can move wherever he wants to and start over...but he doesn't know how.

Person 4: Meet Jennifer. Seems a little too good to be true, right? Bingo. Our angel, Jennifer, is the real tragic story. Jennifer is mormon. She was born and raised mormon. When she graduated high school, she fell in with some questionable people...but no one knew about it. Jennifer kept up the face of good little mormon girl while in the background, she's been sleeping her way from one side of town to the next. She's been seen by kids she knows drinking and partying like any other person. She rarely wears anything shorter than 3/4 sleeve shirts and you won't ever see her in any open toed shoes. On top of the drinking and boys, she's shooting up. When she goes on her binges, she tells everyone she's spending time with her friends, who also happen to be doing the same things.


Now, which one did you choose as someone you'd allow in your life? Don't worry. I already know your answer. Before you knew all the facts, you chose Jennifer. She had all the appearance of wholesome goodness. The reality? A picture far from it. All of these stories have a common thread: you can't judge a book by it's cover. Just because someone appears to be one thing, it doesn't mean that's what they actually are.

I have known people like Spencer and Matthew and even Jennifer. I kind of was Jennifer to a degree for a while. I have a cousin whose story is Spencer's story and a friend whose story is Matthew's. It frustrates me beyond belief when I see people passing judgement based on appearance. Even my family does it. No one is willing to give anyone a chance if they don't look like they have potential.

Don't get me wrong. I know that to a certain degree, passing judgement is necessary. I agree to that insomuch that we are cautious...not dismissive. Everyone deserves a chance. Sometimes, that's all we're looking for and when we don't get it, we fall deeper into the things we're trying to escape.


Here's my plea. Take a closer look sometimes. You don't always have to allow people who appear less than savory into your life. Just be slower to pass any kind of damning judgement...and think about how you'd feel if the roles were reversed. Get to know people. You'd be amazed at how often they'll surprise you.

On the mind this week

Well, this has been on my mind for a couple of weeks. Since the start of February, I've noticed a really disturbing trend. Most of my family and friends live on Facebook. That's just kind of the accepted norm right now. I'm totally for Facebook as it allows me to be "involved" in the lives of my family and friends and keep in touch with them where ten years ago I didn't have that ability...but I digress. My point and the subject of this blog is that for a month that is supposed to be about love and Valentines Day, February 2011 has been very filled with a word I've grown to loathe...death.

I don't have specifics, but it seemed to me that every two or three days, someone on my friends list would post a status about someone they'd lost. My own family experienced it when we lost my uncle in a motorcycle accident on February 4th. I've still been seeing "the death posts" as I've come to call them and the month is almost over. Hopefully, I won't see many more after this. At least, not in this concentrated of a cluster.

So, what I want to discuss today is death. Being mormon, I've really only ever experienced death with that perspective. I've lost two people who were close to me and they both were mormon and had "mormon" funerals. There are a lot of things people of the LDS faith say and do to help them cope with a loss of someone close. I heard a lot of, "He's happy where he is now," and "He's doing the Lord's work," and the very frequent, seeming absolute necessity to say, "If it weren't for my knowledge of the gospel and the plan of happiness, this would be a lot harder." That's all well and good and if it helps you then more power to you. How the heck is that supposed to make me feel better if I don't see things the way you do?!

Please don't misunderstand. Saying those things doesn't really make it simple for people to move on. It just makes it hurt less. At least, that's what I'm told. I haven't been able to replicate that result. It's a little more complicated for me. It's also different for anyone who is not of the LDS faith.

I have been told my whole life that my heart is huge. Not physically mind you, but in every other way we think of and see hearts. I love to love. So when I lost my uncle, things stopped making sense for me. My family immediately went into the "If it weren't for my knowledge of the gospel" mode. I sat and cried. I could not believe that I was not going to see him anymore, because despite mormons believing in the afterlife, that's how it FELT to me. It took me a few days to feel like it was gonna be ok. That in and of itself...is ok! It's ok to sit and cry and feel like you're never going to see that person again because, hopefully for you, you'll be around for a long time. So it will be a long time. The important thing is to remember that you have to keep living.

My uncle was an amazing man. My dad said "he went about doing good so selflessly and with pure compassion." I told several people that I didn't think it was possible for him to be angry much less show anger. I'd never seen him get angry or raise his voice...at least, not that I can remember. I don't think there was a angry bone in his body. He helped so many people in his life. The lives he touched are numerous and we'll probably never know the extent of his influence in the lives of others. There were people sending me messages about him that I had no clue knew him. He was just that type of person. It would be terrible of us as his family and friends, his legacy, to sit and miss him when there is so much for us to do here.

Death is tragic. Especially when it hits someone so young. My uncle had just turned 50. My friend who was killed in August wasn't yet 25. That's waaaaay too young to have life stop. It's important to mourn that loss just as much as it's important to move on.

There are several different ways to mourn. Customs vary between different cultures and evolve over time. One of the most accepted traditions associated with death is the wearing of black clothing. Seems fitting to me. Death is an absence of life. Dark is an absence of light. Black=sad. Makes sense.

Death is also mourned differently in different religions. I've already touched a little on the LDS faith and how they cope. In Catholic and Western Christian religions, a mourning period is specified in which the parishoners are instructed to wear black. In eastern Orthodox Christian religions, they are more strict. They adhere to various timelines and are very accurate with them. Judaism looks at mourning as a step by step process. Stage one is called Shiva. The second stage is called Shloshim. Here's the webpage I went to for information. It's rather interesting actually:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mourning

Anyway. My point in this is, it's okay to mourn. It's okay to cry. It's ok to feel sorrow and to despair at never seeing someone again...as long as we remember that tomorrow is a new day and we can't spend every new day in despair. Our loved ones wouldn't want us too.

There's a first time for everything

There truly is a first time for everything. There's a first time for moving out on your own, or drinking alcohol, or playing an instrument, or just being surprised even. This however is not my first time blogging. Haha I have a personal blog that acts as an online journal. Most people have them these days. My life is less eventful (thank heaven) than it's been in several years so I write less on it. It's also, as I said more personal and more focused on my own life and the events and occurences in it.

I have been toying with the idea of this blog for a little while. I wasn't sure how it would be received so I have put it off. I've been told on more than one occasion, however, that I make things interesting to read. Not tootin' my own horn here or anything, just saying what I've been told. That was the encouragement I needed to start this blog. I have no delusions that many people will read much less have their lives changed by my blog. That's not the intent. The intent is to create a place for discussion.

We all have things we want to talk about but are afraid to. With the political and economic climate being what it is, we have more fodder for those cannons than we otherwise might. Somehow, we still manage to not say much of what we want to. I don't simply because I don't want to fight. I avoid certain subjects like politics and the government for that very reason. Those discussions tend to get very heated and leave a bad taste in my mouth. Enter Got opinions. Will share them.

I can promise you that this blog will be a straight up, to the point, blunt opinion of everything I see as important in our world. That being said, any input on topics you'd like to discuss is very welcome.

Here's hoping this works...