Well, this has been on my mind for a couple of weeks. Since the start of February, I've noticed a really disturbing trend. Most of my family and friends live on Facebook. That's just kind of the accepted norm right now. I'm totally for Facebook as it allows me to be "involved" in the lives of my family and friends and keep in touch with them where ten years ago I didn't have that ability...but I digress. My point and the subject of this blog is that for a month that is supposed to be about love and Valentines Day, February 2011 has been very filled with a word I've grown to loathe...death.
I don't have specifics, but it seemed to me that every two or three days, someone on my friends list would post a status about someone they'd lost. My own family experienced it when we lost my uncle in a motorcycle accident on February 4th. I've still been seeing "the death posts" as I've come to call them and the month is almost over. Hopefully, I won't see many more after this. At least, not in this concentrated of a cluster.
So, what I want to discuss today is death. Being mormon, I've really only ever experienced death with that perspective. I've lost two people who were close to me and they both were mormon and had "mormon" funerals. There are a lot of things people of the LDS faith say and do to help them cope with a loss of someone close. I heard a lot of, "He's happy where he is now," and "He's doing the Lord's work," and the very frequent, seeming absolute necessity to say, "If it weren't for my knowledge of the gospel and the plan of happiness, this would be a lot harder." That's all well and good and if it helps you then more power to you. How the heck is that supposed to make me feel better if I don't see things the way you do?!
Please don't misunderstand. Saying those things doesn't really make it simple for people to move on. It just makes it hurt less. At least, that's what I'm told. I haven't been able to replicate that result. It's a little more complicated for me. It's also different for anyone who is not of the LDS faith.
I have been told my whole life that my heart is huge. Not physically mind you, but in every other way we think of and see hearts. I love to love. So when I lost my uncle, things stopped making sense for me. My family immediately went into the "If it weren't for my knowledge of the gospel" mode. I sat and cried. I could not believe that I was not going to see him anymore, because despite mormons believing in the afterlife, that's how it FELT to me. It took me a few days to feel like it was gonna be ok. That in and of itself...is ok! It's ok to sit and cry and feel like you're never going to see that person again because, hopefully for you, you'll be around for a long time. So it will be a long time. The important thing is to remember that you have to keep living.
My uncle was an amazing man. My dad said "he went about doing good so selflessly and with pure compassion." I told several people that I didn't think it was possible for him to be angry much less show anger. I'd never seen him get angry or raise his voice...at least, not that I can remember. I don't think there was a angry bone in his body. He helped so many people in his life. The lives he touched are numerous and we'll probably never know the extent of his influence in the lives of others. There were people sending me messages about him that I had no clue knew him. He was just that type of person. It would be terrible of us as his family and friends, his legacy, to sit and miss him when there is so much for us to do here.
Death is tragic. Especially when it hits someone so young. My uncle had just turned 50. My friend who was killed in August wasn't yet 25. That's waaaaay too young to have life stop. It's important to mourn that loss just as much as it's important to move on.
There are several different ways to mourn. Customs vary between different cultures and evolve over time. One of the most accepted traditions associated with death is the wearing of black clothing. Seems fitting to me. Death is an absence of life. Dark is an absence of light. Black=sad. Makes sense.
Death is also mourned differently in different religions. I've already touched a little on the LDS faith and how they cope. In Catholic and Western Christian religions, a mourning period is specified in which the parishoners are instructed to wear black. In eastern Orthodox Christian religions, they are more strict. They adhere to various timelines and are very accurate with them. Judaism looks at mourning as a step by step process. Stage one is called Shiva. The second stage is called Shloshim. Here's the webpage I went to for information. It's rather interesting actually:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mourning
Anyway. My point in this is, it's okay to mourn. It's okay to cry. It's ok to feel sorrow and to despair at never seeing someone again...as long as we remember that tomorrow is a new day and we can't spend every new day in despair. Our loved ones wouldn't want us too.
No comments:
Post a Comment