Entitlement

So, I started a whole different post the other day. Through the course of a conversation with a friend of mine, I decided to go with a different topic. I'm gonna post this with a disclaimer. It may very well offend a few people. Please know that's not my intent. I just feel like this is something that needs to be discussed.

Entitlement is something I've heard a lot about growing up. I think each generation thinks their children and grandchildren act like they are much more entitled than they were. I can see that and agree with it honestly. With each generation we get advances in almost everything. I'm still shocked to see my nephew, who is a year and a half, navigate his way through an itouch without any help. I have nephews in utah with iPads and they are all 12 and under. I also see kids with their own iPhones. Kids here meaning first graders and kindergartners. Yeah. Lots of advances.

Let me first put a definition of entitlement before you. Webster's dictionary defines entitlement as a: the state or condition of being entitled, and b: a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract. In some instances, being entitled to something is the truth. I thing military veterans are entitled to our respect simply because of what they do for us. That entitlement I'm ok with. It's the other crap I have a problem with.

My generation is probably the laziest, and most selfish group of people ever. I include myself in that. We feel like, for reasons I can't figure out, that we deserve to be spoon fed everything. We have lost the principle of work.

Work has been a part of humanity since we were created. Adam was cursed with it. It has been our responsibility to create a life and a home and an existence. We, of the current young adult/teenage generation, seem to think that we are exempt from this rule. We believe that even though every generation prior to ours has had to work for what they have, we somehow shouldn't have too.

Now, I'm not saying that every member of my generation is an entitled brat. However, there are far fewer individuals willing to work for the end reward. I have caught myself even wishing that I didn't have to work for anything. The other day I told my mom that I needed a get rich quick program so I wouldn't have to go to work anymore.

So, where does this sense of entitlement come from? Well, I have a few theories on that:

First, children learn from adults. I'm not blaming just parents. There are plenty of adults responsible for shaping a child into a responsible adult. Teachers, church leaders, friends parents...there are quite a few. From what I can see, adults try to not do things the way their parents did them, not realizing that some of those things would probably be the wiser choice to make. I bet, even as you're reading this, that you can think of a few things your parents did that you are planning to do differently when/if you have children. That is just the beginning of how adults influence children into believing they "deserve" things.

The other way I see children learning that sense of entitlement is from media and other influences. My generation idolizes pop culture more in this generation than any other except for maybe the 60's. We have actors getting into politics for crying out loud and that's just about one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. I have to derail that train of thought right now or I'll get on my soap box and not make the point I feel needs to be made. However, between movie stars, singers, and athletes, children are so indoctrinated into believing that they deserve everything and they shouldn't have to work for it.

It is a parents responsibility to teach a child to work. As much as it truly pains me to say that, because I know my parents will take it personally if they ever read this, but it is true. A parent has the most influence over a child and the most responsibility. They are in charge of a child's well-being in a unique way. A teacher is responsible for teaching knowledge you can learn in books as well as life-skills...but a parent is responsible for teaching a child how to be a person. It is a parents responsibility to teach their children how to work, how to treat other people, discipline, and other life lessons that could be taught elsewhere but will have the most impact coming from a mother or father.

Growing up, work was something my dad in particular stressed. Whenever there was a big job to do, no matter how much we groaned and complained about it, all six of us kids were out helping. It's gotten to the point where it's fun for me. I love working with my family because it brings us closer. I remember several projects my family completed together that I had no interest in doing at the time. One in particular was just this huge beast of an ordeal. In our house in Colorado, we had a hill with big juniper bushes on it. My parents decided it would be best if they weren't there anymore...guess who got to pull them up. Yep. All of us. My brother and I, being older and stronger than any of the siblings, took point so to speak and did a lot of the heavier lifting. The younger boys and my sister clipped the stupid things way back so we could get a hold of the roots. The image that comes to mind of this whole escapade is one of me and Stephane pushing and pulling on a bush right in the middle of the backyard that refused to give up its grasp in the earth. I don't know how long we worked at that thing, but it was a while and it was DIFFICULT. That has become one of my favorite memories. We didn't have many projects like that growing up and we generally still don't now, but when we had work to do, we all worked hard.

That is not me saying we need to go out and pull up a ton of juniper bushes to qualify as hard working. According to my parents, we still don't know what hard work means. That's an example of the kind of work that our parents did frequently...as did their parents...and their parents parents. Granted, some of the reason we don't work hard anymore is because we have machines and computers to do that for us. Why expend the energy working at something that a computer could do better and faster? Answer: A computer can't teach you the sweetness of the reward at the end of a long day of hard work.

What do I mean by that? After my family accomplished the goal of pulling out those stupid junipers, we got rootbeer floats and rented a movie. Most of us were also asleep before we got halfway in. The best reward for me, though, is the sweet memories I have of working side by side with my brothers, my sister, and my parents. That may not be enough for some people, but it taught me to value the end result because it's not something you can get anywhere else.

I want to put another example before you and I hope the person this is about will forgive me. I'm not passing judgement on him or on anyone else...this just happens to be the perfect example of an entitled child.

I knew of a boy growing up who was taught by his teachers that the only way he would know if his parents loved him was by how much money they were willing to put towards his extra curricular activities. I don't think he really understood that that's what they were teaching him, but I saw it the minute I heard about it. He was involved in a great many things outside of a regular school experience and he expected his parents to pay for all of it. I believe that part of the reason they did was because they felt guilty about some of their other children not being able to participate in those things. Regardless, if they didn't pay for something he felt he needed or was told he needed, his parents definitely knew it. I'm not trying to say that children should not be allowed to participate in extracurricular activities. I think they are wonderful programs and I wish I'd been able to do some of them. My point is, this boy felt like he deserved it...and he didn't. Right now, I'm not sure that boy really even enjoys the memories of those activities. How different do you think that would be had he worked for what he had instead of it being given to him?

I don't want anyone to think I'm discouraging people from wanting things. I have big dreams for myself and I wish that I didn't have to work for it. I am by far not exempt from that feeling of entitlement. I just wish that our generation knew what it means to work for and appreciate the things we can get by the sweat of our brow. Nothing is more important to us than the thing we WORKED so hard to achieve. The question then becomes: What will you teach your children?